I find self portraits to be very challenging. Firstly, without a stand-in, focusing is mostly guesswork. Lighting is also a hugely important, but rather finicky thing — especially since I wear glasses, but also because I don't any real studio lights. On a more abstract level, capturing my personality is difficult. I mean, how does one capture a personality? It certainly doesn't help that I'm not very photogenic, and often look deranged, extremely intense, or just cross-eyed. Maybe this is why I so often take the same picture.
I could count on one hand the number of photographs of myself that I like. It's frustrating, because my best friend has a natural skill for photography in general. I've never seen someone with such good Facebook profile pictures!
Anyway, late one night, I decide I would take a nice picture of myself. I tried to use some of the teachings of my colour photography class, only to find I had almost none of the equipment. It was urgent that I make it work, though, because I planned some social ventures; I wanted to be seen in the best possible form.
After relatively few attempts, I got this one. A little bit of level adjustment in photoshop, and I was happy. I believe it is a good representation of me. I'm dressed the way I like to be seen, but so rarely find occasion to be, in my finest, all black, formal attire. Oddly, I didn't shave for the picture — something I only realized after. I'm usually an every-second-day kind of guy, but here I am the way I always want to be seen: a little more masculine. My expression is one that everyone who knows me will recognize: the one I usually display. Despite feeling life extremely vividly, my face rarely betrays my emotion. And behind me hangs the only work of art in my room: a newspaper clipping of Immaculée no.3 by Miles Aldridge.
Ultimately, I believe this portrait shows me quite accurately. I want to appear normal, to feel normal, but I can never quite be normal.
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